radhastami

this morning i went up at 4 a.m. did i spoil my vow? no, i still finished my rounds before six.

was nice today. these were rounds full of hope. can t explain exactly, what happend. if you d put in tags, you woud say: hopeful, joyful, hare krishna, not this body. lord chaitanya, somthing like this.

then i remembered:

TODAY IS RADHASTAMI

radharanis appearance day. maybe therefore chanting was a little better today.

i m still a little sick. the atmosphere in the office is not really favourable of getting better. yesterday i was sitting close to a wide open window, so i was really freezing. then i closed that window, and sombody opened it again. closing, opening, and so on.

i was really finished after work yesterday. i worked from 10:30 am. - 7:pm. we had phone calls almost one after another. i work in the callcenter of volkswagen and audi cars. we do the breakdown and accident assistance. it is some kind of insurance were people, when they get stuck in europe, pay for getting towed to a vw dealer and we organize the custumers travels back home (not to godhead) and transportation of their cars to their hometowns. they call from every hole of the world it seems, and the material energy really clears up, that cars are another souce of suffering.
stressful work and coming down for chanting is another challenge.

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persons

once, srila prabhupada was invited to a program, where only very few guests were coming. the devotees were excusing, but prabhupada said, that everything was very nice. he mentioned even, that narada muni was there. prabhupada had the vision to see them.

that is what great personalities can do. we might not see, but they do. by their mercy, we get the mercy to see. just watch this video, an amazing story, by a wonderful devotee.

just this morning, i was praying to lord nityananda and haridasa thakura.  i hardly perceived them. but it was nice to approach them and pray for their mercy to come closer to holy name prabhu.

how can i expect to be ecstatic by just having started that experiment? it seems patience ist not in my vocabulary.

prabhupada says, we should chant, like a child cries for his mother.

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chanting so la la

that s the info.

somhow, i went to bed early. i had a good night rest but somhow was not feeling so well during japa.. my back was hurting and i could not concentrate.


how much can we control the mind?

during chanting, we may find out, that on our own it is not possible. we can seek shelter of great personalities.

the six goswamis...

hm, i just think about haridasa thakura. he is nama acarya. let s see tomorrow, what is going on. but i must pray to increase the quality of my chantingg.

so two points: a) the mind must be controlled
                     B) alone it is not possible. we need mercy of advanced personalities.

this should be my meditation, before starting my japa.

prabhupada was once asked, what one should pray doing chanting. prabhupada answered, that chanting hare krishna IS the prayer. we should just listen.

i throw in a "krishna help me!" or "prabhupada help me!" in between somtimes.

praying before starting our rounds may also help.

my dear mind, that may work...

hare krishna, tomorrow is another day. war against maya...

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iron rod?

yes, again i got up at three. wasn t too difficult.

ok, my dear rascal mind, i had to use the iron rod....

but only one or two times. well, that s the benefit of watching movies. you learn how to beat sombody up...;-)

chanting hare krishna is a myth.

one may say: "how can one experience joy, by repeating over and over the same mantra?

 like we do:

HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE  HARE, HARE RAMA HARE RAMA RAMA RAMA HARE

there is no way to explain it. fact is: if you repeat somthing often enough, you become expert in it, whatever you do.

but how do you want to explain how honey tastes, if you just lick the bowl?
that s an expample many of us chanters often have heard.

Then, one may ask: why even after many years of chant practice, there isn t like a spiritual breakthrough?

well, there is not always a breakthrough, like an aircraft somtimes is above the sky, somtimes in the clouds.

but defenitely, there is, let me put it in this way, somtimes "divine contact." 

i may say that of my chanting, since we are talking a bit of my retreat...

yes, it was better this morning.
it s getting better...a little dawn, after a long night.

but still: much more work to do.



still more days left....

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just one hour

tomorrow i would just like to tell my mind for one hour to stop meditating about nonsense.
i mean, just one hour. that is not too much out of 24!

just imagine, how busy we are during the day, and how fast a day is over, what to speak of this life. just another year is about to pass, just imagine!
so tomorrow, my dear mind, i would just recommend you to shut up completley during my japa session.
otherwise, i would just have to beat you up, sorry no fake. i had to become violent against you. like bhakissidhanta recommended: "beat your mind with your shoes!"

so, if i kick you tomorrow morning, which seems, is about to happen. do not worry, my dear mind. this, for you and for me, is the school of hard knocks, which most of all have to go through.

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got up at 2:30

this morning.

i just was not tired anymore.

i know, i am a spiritual smalltimer, but at least i do somthing regularly!

that s what we used to call sadhana, when we were brahmacari.

SADHANA

what a nice word.

there is not much more boring as to rise late and be comepletely beside ones shoes and start the day blank without having chanted a single round.

for me at least.

let s see how i will be able to apply, when i work again. it is so tough to work in different shifts.

it s a slave galley. (or slaves galley?)

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holy cow

although i am still sick like five dogs, i again found it very inspiring to get up early this morning.

it s  nice.


outside:

silence.

that is very favourable for my chanting.

i would say, getting up early, makes fifty percent of the quality of my chanting. still, of course, there is so much work to do while chanting.

to focus my attention on the sound vibration. that really is the challenge.

i remember 2006, when i came from vrndavana, i had the most ecstatic time of my chanting.

right now, i am just scratching the surface.

let s just go on!

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